To say that 2019 is a perfect year is hard to prove.
This is Elray, Elray Patrick G. Alcantara of December 31 2019 writing to you.
I know there are some who are somewhat irritated with year-end reviews, stories, but let me just say, even I am sick of it. Yet here I am, writing one. Because I realized something that I overlooked for the past couple of days.
Before I fully express myself, let me take you to a brief summary of what happened this year.
January, it is the start of the “resolutions” thing and art projects per month. Unfortunately, just like most, I failed to continue after a few days. Basically, there are things that I sought to do, to stop, and continue. But I failed to. Looking back, I was a bit disappointed with myself. Still, I managed to be distracted with the beginning of the last chapters of my college life that I forgot how messed up I was during this time.
February, there’s nothing more or less that I could say about this month. I managed to date the girl that I’ve been dreaming of since I started college. There may be some other time to tell this story, but I just can’t explain the emotions that I have during that time. We are going out as friends, and as it should. There are days in this month that I wish I could repeat or simply watch again. The first date, the best 214 I have ever had so far, and the nights at Laguna. Growing up as a boy of the city from a lower-middle class family, I never had the chance or opportunity to even see the shore, or a lake. And with that, I will forever be in debt to DOST for everything that I have experienced and received as one of their scholars. What made it better is the fact that I’m with three of my closest friends in my life. We were distant, but this trip managed to bring us back together and watch a million stars for the first time. Our souls were taken by the breeze of the night, and made whole by the view of a timeless evening.
March, the month that I took a step closer in finding out who I am supposed to be. This was a hard month, requirements and the over thinking regarding my status, whether I’ll graduate or not. And what made everything so much more than I could be thankful for, is the very fact that I found out that I was graduating at the exact same time as the job fair in our school. I took a quick photo for my resume and the rest is history. I attended my first proper job interview at CSA and I asked for one shot, one opportunity, to seize the moment, and damn I captured it. I found out that I was hired at the exact same day of our torch ceremony, and I look at it as a day that made me. That I am alive, that I am now going to a world that I never knew.
By April, it still is as dull as most of my summer. We can’t afford to even go for a beach or out of town, so most of the days were just me and my poems and sometimes, my night walks that defined this month.
May was the beginning of the seminars and training at CSA, and at the same time our LET review. This month was so tiring and draining due to the fact that I never had a single rest day for myself. But what made it so much more is the fact that it is also the month where we started to work on our Red Mass presentation. I am beyond grateful to this day to be the co-writer and director of it, and by the time that we presented it in June, all the frustrations and stress were rewarded by an experience like no other.
June and July is pretty much a hard but necessary part of the process in becoming the teacher that I am today. I was adjusting, not only with the teaching aspect, but also with my sleeping patterns. For four years, I sleep for almost five hours a day most of the time due to over thinking and requirements. It was tough, but I managed to find a way out of it because I need to.
July is also rewarding because I managed to date my friends and give back to my family, without thinking of the budget and just have fun. The happiness that I felt during this month continued up to this day. July is somewhat my renaissance, and by the start of August comes my renaissance art.
I finally managed to do a monthly art challenge that I give myself in the form of “Melancholy”, a collection of poems that are straight from my core, and there is nothing more rewarding than to finally appreciate my work together with my friends and family.
This continued by August as I released my second (last as of the moment) collection of art in the form of “Kataga”. And what came after August is the most surreal and best month of the entire year.
September, yes! My birth month. For the first time ever, I can look back at September not asking to wake up, but to keep dreaming. I managed to check a ton of my bucket list during the entire month. Most notably, my Tagaytay escape from September 21 to 22. Looking back at that day, I just feel enormous amount of peace that I have been looking for so long and somehow, some way, that’s not just it. I also managed to have my first demo presentation and the LET exam the week after. I just want to note here, I am STRESSED OUT DURING THAT WEEK. Not only was I sick asf, I also had a lot of pressure and thoughts heading to the following days. But just like most of my story here, it is all rewarding.
By October, November, and December, I managed to go out with my friends and even have meaningful coffee dates with myself while producing memories and poems that I am so proud of. It is really impossible to list all the great things that happened in the last three months, but damn I am really so happy for every bit of it.
Okay, I know I said short but that was so long. Forgive me for that but here’s my point.
In 2019, I graduated, lived my dreams, landed my first job (and what a wonderful job it is), and most importantly, I managed to be the person that I am supposed to be.
Yes there were hurdles, tough times, people that left, and things that went the other way.
But that’s life. That’s what life is supposed to be. Now I understand why I need to share this. Not to brag, but to help you, if ever there is anyone reading this, that “everything will be alright in time”.
Yes, that is actually the same lyric that she sang to me before I even knew that the song is “Leaves” by Ben & Ben. She’s out there somewhere, lost, but soon she will find herself like I did.
“New year, New me” sounds corny, but it shouldn’t be. It all starts with you, with yourself. For years, I doubted my skills in art and teaching, and by taking the risks that I did this year and waiting for the right moment, I managed to become the person that I am supposed to be.
So hey, you there my friend. If 2019 of yours is nothing like mine (for better or worse), you do not have to be sad. Life works this way. The moment you start living your life is the moment you accept who you are right now. You do not need and should never compare yourself to others. Okay, I know this is so long already but if you’re still here, let me take you to classroom during my demo teaching for CSA last March.
There’s this topic in Math called “Permutation” which refers to the arrangement of objects. I presented it this way in my motivation activity and I hope even by just reading this, you guys will be motivated.
It should be understood that there are different permutations for all of us.
Example, I was born, studied, graduated, worked, and in the future I plan on getting my Master’s and Doctor’s degree before settling down.
While there are some who chose to study again right after they graduated. Others may even work before they graduate due to circumstances beyond their control.
But at the end of the day, you should realize this. There is always a time for everything. Every day, Every hour, every minute, and every second is an opportunity for us to fulfill our dreams. You just have to look deep within you, remember that God is always with you, your family is with you, your friends are with you, and most importantly, you are with you.
Your time will come, just be patient, and start it by knowing who you are. The journey is long, and your stay in the destination may be short, but it is all worth it. Do not give up on your dreams, do not give up with you life, and most importantly, do not give up on yourself.
“burning in the skies” – photographed and heavily edited by yours truly
2018 is quite possibly the heaviest year that I have carried so far in my life. From revelations of truths that I once hoped to be lies, and black holes that almost devoured me alive.
Heading to the first month of this year, no matter how many resolutions I had written for myself, I knew for a fact during that time that it will take a miracle to turn the wheels around.
Let’s get this straight, if ever this journal reached you, there’s a chance that I probably have no idea about you, and in the same juncture, you probably have no idea about me either. But that’s not the point of this entry/ies. What I am trying to do here is for myself, to reflect about the things that happened this year. At the same time, I’m doing this for you. Yes, you. The one that’s reading this. Maybe by reading these journals, there’s a thing or two that you can take away from it. I hope there is any to be honest with you. I somehow managed to work on my goal in life, and that is to share things in order to help others. Maybe this is also part of that.
ANYWAY, back to January.
Study wise, this month was the start of what could possibly the hardest part of my college life. This is coming from someone who slept almost fifty percent of the time. I was awake all throughout January, thanks to kopiko browns and dark chocolate chips from cbtl. (sponsor me pls lol)
We managed to FINALLY defend our thesis after months of rescheduling. This month also marked the start of my fruitful second/last practice teaching at Manuel G. Araullo High School. And speaking of second, this month also included the start of my second take/chance with Calculus III. I’ve been a very, very, very responsible student that’s why I’m taking that course twice. (spoiler: I was awake the whole time during the first one that’s why I took it again. 🙂 )
What actually made this month so much more than I realize is the very fact that I managed to finish my first novel. Yes, you get that right. A novel. And what novel am I talking about? You never heard of it? Oh, you’re blessed. HAHAHAHAHAH lol
To be honest, I was that guy back then who was afraid and hated his work so much to the point that he just shelved almost everything. But this time, I think it’s the best time to somehow promote it. Well, to be honest it still feels raw but I think it makes it so much more. In case you are intrigued, or you don’t have anything to do this Christmas vacation, you may read it here: https://www.wattpad.com/story/200601929-destination
cover of my first novel “Destination”, the first of the planned Undefined Terms trilogy.
YES. Okay, I hope my students won’t see this lol.
Speaking of novels, I am actually blessed with all the time that I had during the first few months of this year. Specially during January. Nowadays, I could barely read a book. But January actually was the month that I managed to read two books that I really loved. First, Ubik is so freaking badass and mind blowing. I want to talk about it, but I’d rather talk about what could possibly be the best book that I’ve read so far.
“The Alchemist” by Paulo Coehlo. The book is not just a collection of words and thoughts in my eyes, for me, it is a collection of heavenly bodies that managed to explode into a galaxy that helped in conspiring a life that I am still in awe to look at.
This is my view, my reflection of January. But that doesn’t mean I was happy all throughout that month. I was in that position in my life, not knowing where to go and what to do. Even when I am surrounded by beautiful souls that I learned to appreciate more after that month, I still felt so alone.
Until I watched Cowboy Bebop.
an illustration (by yours truly) of Spike from the anime “Cowboy Bebop”
Okay, I don’t want to sound weird but that anime changed my life. In what sense? Well I somehow felt that I wasn’t alone. I saw myself in Spike, the main protagonist of the critically acclaimed anime. As the episodes progress, it eventually showed that Spike is someone who is brushing off what people feel, even though he feels the same way. Acting strong enough but when the past returned to his vision, from a drifting bounty hunter, he became a man on a mission. I saw in Spike the weight that I carried all these years, and that just like him, if I have a chance to feel alive, I would go and take it, even when my life is the price.
No sight of heaven as days like this gets longer * days as dark as the nights without the mooooonn days as long as our fights
can we just end it soooonn
what does your stars
tell you to do?
how many more scars
should we go through?
tell me to go home
and I’ll follow you
for I am home
whenever I’m with you
soon, meteors will shower
worlds that we don’t even know
but hey, as long as we’re together
I know we can make it through —
*
days as dark as the nights
without the mooooonn
days will soon be as bright
as the sun during noooonn
I hope the universe conspires for us two I hope that we can make it through I hope that you feel joy that is true I hope that I’ll be in the galaxy within you
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Your Name: A Love Letter to Traditions and Belief
Your Name is a Japanese animated fantasy film written and directed by Makoto Shinkai. The story follows a high school girl named Mitsuha from Itomori (a fictional province in Japan) and Taki, a high school boy from Tokyo who started switching bodies one month before the comet takes full appearance in the horizon.
To fully understand the twist and turns of this film, there are scenes and terms that we need to put into notice. Such terms and scenes were threaded in a way that makes Your Name not just an unconventional love story between two people. It becomes so much more, to the point that it can be seen as metaphor, a love letter by Shinkai to Japanese traditions and belief.
First things first, if you haven’t watched the film, major spoilers ahead.
First, let’s start with the setting. Itomori was formed 1200 years ago (0887) when a meteor fell from the sky. And ever since then, Mitsuha’s ancestors have been partaking on a tradition. This includes knotting of threads and the ritual that involves the creation of the kuchikamisake.
There’s a scene in the film in which mitsuha’s grandmother said that the meaning behind their tradition is unknown, but traditions are traditions, and it’s their way in giving thanks to their ancestors.
But, there is also a certain trait that’s being passed on from one generation of miyamizu to the other. And that is the ability to dream of someone else’s life. There are beliefs in Japan that dreams are not owned by the dreamers.
Hayao Kawai, stated on his excerpt entitled as “Dreams, Myths, and Fairy tales in Japan” that we can look as dreams like a butterfly who happens to fly into a garden, that garden being our dreams. He also included in his excerpt the story of Chuang Tzu and the butterfly, where he had a dream that he became a butterfly. This dream upon waking up, lead him to wonder whether the dream is about a human who happened to dream of being a butterfly, or a butterfly who had dreamt of being a human. This raised the question:
“Can it be that my whole life is someone else’s dream?”
It was revealed by the film’s third act that Mitsuha’s grandmother and mother experienced such thing when they were at Mitsuha’s age. This lead to the big revelation that the very reason as to why they are doing all these traditions is to prepare for the day of the destruction of Itomori by the same comet that formed it 1200 years ago. This was revealed through a news flash in the film, stating that the comet has an orbital period of 1200 years.
This in turn gives the movie a full circle. In line with this, Comets have fascinated the eyes of people during ancient times and in turn, this brought a lot of beliefs as to what such phenomenon brings.
As stated on an article by Eve MacDonald entitled as “How Ancient Cultures explained comets and Meteors”, there are beliefs that the arrival of a comet is sign that something good or bad is about to happen.
And in this case, the comet brought both to the equation. The bad thing being the end of Itomori, and the good thing on the other hand is the formation and the salvation of the people who live in Itomori.
I mentioned the term full circle, due to a specific reason. But before that, let’s go to our next topic regarding knotting.
The beliefs that they have with threads and knotting helped in making me conclude that this film is indeed Shinkai’s love letter to Japanese traditions and beliefs.
At the first act of the film, it was revealed by Mitsuhas grandmother that tying threads is called Musubi. And regarding Musubi, it also pertains to a local guardian god, knotting, taking something in (like drinking and eatong), and most importantly, time itself.
To fully visualize my interpretation of the film, let’s take Mitsuha as a thread, and Taki being another thread parallel to Mitsuha’s. And as a future math educator, it is indeed impossible for two parallel lines to intersect. And this is also is the case with Taki and Mitsuha. So, how were they able to connect with one another if they are switching places with one another, in different timelines?
There enters another thread that tied them together, this third thread being, the comet itself.
So, how did the comet tied two people of separate timelines together?
By the third act of the film, Taki decided to go to the body of miyamizu and there he drank Mitsuha’s kuchikamisake, which is dubbed as Half of Mitsuha. I want to appreciate a little detail that I noticed in the film. During Taki’s quest in finding Mitsuha, you can see that he is wearing a half moon tshirt. And once he drank the kuchikamisake, he was able to go back in time and in Mitsuha’s body. It somehow gave me the impression that ever since Taki was unable to connect with Mitsuha, he was incomplete, and Mitsuha makes Taki’s life complete.
Anyway, in turn, he asked for one last chance to return to Mitsuha’s body and save the people of Itomori. This is the part where the animation of the film further supports my interpretation. Taki slipped after drinking the kuchikamisake, and just before he fell to the ground, the flash on his phone showed a drawing of a comet splitting into pieces drawn inside the cave.
And this drawing of the comet was masterfully and intentionally animated by shinkai and his crew before a montage of mitsuha’s life started. The comet was flowing, and suddenly it is animated into a thread, and eventually into an umbilical cord.
This in turn explained that the ancestors of Mitsuha that witnessed the appearance of the comet 1200 years ago also saw the future. This is where the fantasy part of the film kicks in. This in a way, gave the Miyamizus to pass this “dreaming of someone else’s life” characteristic to a female descendant one generation after another up to Mitsuha.
This can also be seen as to what traditions are, that they are being done and passed on not for the sake of it, but to also carry on certain traits and knowledge from the ancestors.
The last part that I would like to discuss fully is my favorite scene from this film, the Tasokare/Twilight scene. It was discussed at the first act of the film during Mitsuha’s class that there are beliefs about twilight as to which someone might encounter something beyond human or understanding during it.
And that something beyond understanding is when Mitsuha and Taki saw each other face to face in Taki’s time. This twilight scene gave me goose bumps and it was amazingly built, from before they see on another, up to the point that they went back to their respective bodies. Two separate timelines meeting one another as they returned to each other’s body.
This separates Your Name from films of the same premise. Instead of simply switching bodies due to a certain phenomena, Makoto Shinkai decided to fill in the gaps of the Film’s plot through the use of traditions and beliefs.
The film’s final sequence showed Taki and Mitsuha meeting one another in a now iconic sequence five years after the comet struck Itomori. And the film ended with a cliff-hanger where they asked for each others’ name.
So what happens now?
My take is that they probably ended up together because of another detail from the film. The red string that Mitsuha gave Taki during their first meeting is probably familiar to those who’ve heard of the red string of faith. That being a belief from Japan in which two people are connected by an invisible red string, and that somehow someway they will find and affect each other’s life.
The reason why they forgot about their names and the events that surrounded the comet is the fact that the circle is done. The knot is over. Earlier I used the threads as a symbolism for Taki, Mitsuha and the comet. After they’ve done what they were supposed to do, the knot is all tied up.
But this red string that connected them all through-out led them back to one another, after they both searched and longed for someone from a long forgotten dream.
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