Do you ever get that feeling of blue while listening to a song from the rising sun?

Throughout the past few months, I tend to wake up as early as four and simply stay outside of our house as I wait for my coffee to get a little colder. Most of the time, I listen to a cycle of songs as I stare blankly at the sky before dawn.

If you managed to read my entry for last month, I have clearly shown how much I admire Cowboy Bebop. With regards to that, I always play this song “See you space cowboy” which is the song during the credits for the last episode of the said animated series.

I have this weird thing in me wherein I keep the translations off and never really bothered to know the lyrics of foreign songs. I tend to listen to such songs as what they are, and give my own meaning or interpretation of it.

But one morning, I decided to read the comments of the video and there I found what I thought I will never need. Stories, various stories from strangers who just like me, had their own interpretation of the song. As I listen to it day by day, I learn more and more about this song that connected souls who are far away from each other.

I envision this song as an anthem for what peace feels like.

All my life, I always give my best to take risks that will allow me to feel alive. Looking back, I understood why I fell in love with Cowboy Bebop in the first place.

There I realized that I am somewhat stuck in a dream that I am still in no matter how many times I wake up or sleep. The struggles and repeated emotions that I feel all throughout at work, and even at home were really something that I am getting used to.

I tried to look at it, and find ways to pretend that I am alright all the time. Because if I don’t, others that depend on me will also suffer. And I don’t want such thing to happen to anyone that I care about.

Everyday felt like an episode of Bebop, where in it starts loud, and ends to a much melancholic goodnight with “The Real Folk Blues”.

At school, I always feel frustrated, sometimes disrespected. It took me a while to notice, that I was looking at the wrong side of teaching after all. I forgot that I should be calm, I forgot that I should be strong. I was unable to control my classes, because I myself failed to control my life.

In a weird way, I actually saw an opportunity to carry on after I had this nightmare that something struck my throat. It was the 28th day of February, my oath taking ceremony with regards to my teaching license. I was sick, but there I realized that it is time to wake up.

And as I lay at my bed the whole 29th of February, I realized that I should really take care of myself. I even asked myself, “if you have an extra day, what will you do with it?” Of course I don’t want to spend it all in my bed while I am sick.

And there the “see you space cowboy” kicks in. For the first time, I decided to find out what it really meant. For some reason, it made all things much clearer to me.

There I realized why I empathize with Spike in the first place. He was a man who just lives his life directionless after he lost his everything, in the form of Julia. But once she came back, and died, he realized that he’s got nothing to lose, that’s why he killed Vicious knowing that he will die doing so.

Spike decided to simply tie all the loose ends in order to honor Julia’s death. That’s why when the end credits song changed from “the real folk blues” to “see you space cowboy”, it tells a story of a man who finally found peace.

In light of such realization, I figured that I still have a lot of time left. And I do not want to be like Spike. I woke up in the reality that there is more to one thing in life, that there is always hope to carry on. I am typing this journal, march 12, and I am blessed to say that I managed to carry on.

What I want to say really is that, just like the moon, we won’t see it fully all the time. But to think of it, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t there. Like hope, sometimes we don’t see it, sometimes we only see glimpses, but we have to remember that it is there. For everything will be alright in time.

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