Lost in Manila

“Lost in Manila” tells a lot of stories based on the nostalgic atmosphere brought by the city of Manila.
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In celebration of Manila day this 24th of June, Lost in Manila can be looked at as a love letter to the city. Manila is not perfect, but the hopes and dreams it holds is something to behold.
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Manila is home to the community that lives in the city, and the people who happen to be there while finding their way to a place they can call home.
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Thus, the second possible meaning of Lost in Manila was born. It can be looked at as a love letter to the people who came from different cities and provinces who happen to be in the same city as you. Dreaming to be someone, or just as lost as you are.
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As for me, I was lost for a long time until I found myself when they found me. To all the people I met, who left, who changed me for the better, and those who stayed with me to this day, until we meet again.
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Maybe one day, we can finally runaway, and get lost in manila once again.
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alternate links:
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Youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwXDQVjQmnY
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Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/the-unknown-388442016/lost-in-manila

where the nightcrawlers are

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Here’s the thing, the story of this piece is about my love for the night. Before the pandemic happened, I always make time to put my earphones on, listen to my favorite songs, and walk all over the city for an hour.
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Such thing was my way of finding peace in the midst of the noise from college and even when I started working.
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The title is based upon the film “where the wild things are” and the film “nightcrawler”. Although, the ideas of the story is not that close to the films mentioned.
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The story is more about the things that only stays during the night, and chosen to be forgotten the next day. It is not necessarily talking about a one night stand, but more about getting lost with someone’s thoughts, maybe even having the idea that it’s just the two of you in the world.
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But at the end of it all, it just doesn’t work out well. Like the night, where the night crawlers are tells the story of a life seen during the moonlight, beautiful, but not all the time.

hue

Okay, can I be really honest for a moment?
Kasi, I do not have any idea on what the poem means for hue.
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Here’s the thing, all of my works, the meanings of them are literally changing especially when I get questions every now and then.
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The very reason is that, I simply forgot. I mean, I’m no “writer” compared to those who have published their poems, but I’ve written thousands of poems in almost ten years that I just can’t help but forget things.
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In a way, that became the idea for the re imagining of hue. Hue is of course referring to colors, and at the same time the mood of a person. In this case, hue is one of the three artworks in melancholia that has colors other than black and white. It’s an artistic decision that I made that probably will be unnoticed. But the point is, in the midst of the dark, we can find color. 🙂

longing

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Among the poems in this upcoming re imagination of the magazine, longing is one of my stories that was barely changed yet with the use of different words, it may be dealing with different topics and what not.
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One of my main reason for remaking my magazines is the dream of sharing thru an actual magazine one day. That’s why I had to make sure that everything looks decent and is me.
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Two years ago, what I have been longing for is a person to save me from what I have been feeling. But now, I do feel like the one I’m longing for may or may not be someone else. Maybe all these years, what I have been truly longing for is myself.

annihilation

The last part of the first chapter deals with questions. Questions that I will never know what the answers are.

One of the most difficult thing that I have ever done with my life is cutting ties with a lot of people. It is something that’s been really difficult to me.

I have always been the person who gets pointed at every time such thing happened. Labelling me as someone who leaves once he gets what he wants.

A lie that was truth the eyes of those who don’t know me. I lived with it, didn’t fought any of it. It was a difficult situation for me as such events haunted me for years. I was trying to move forward, yet the past won’t let me.

That was the case before. Now, I finally understand that I have to let go of things or people that are not healthy for me. There are times that such people even have parts of them in me, but such parts won’t matter if it keeps falling apart. That’s why I have to hold on to them, move on, and be the man I am supposed to be.

It’s been a difficult journey for me to connect with others, I get frustrated and even hate myself for always being alone. Yet in the midst of all that, I realized that it wasn’t bad after all.

Yes, I still wonder about those people that aren’t here with me anymore. But in such thoughts, there is no negative emotions left, but of gratitude.

I do hope that the light, no matter how dim or strong, will lead them to a life that they dream of.

As for me, I may have lost my spark in communicating with others, but I am grateful and blessed to have a handful of people who stayed and without them even knowing, helping me become the best version of myself.

As for love? I do not know if there will be another chapter for it in my life. I do have someone that I admire, but I do not know how to connect. Maybe one day I will, maybe one day I won’t.

whatever happens, happens.

the end, finally the end

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The chapter before was “where are you” and what comes next in the story is this one. The first time that I wrote this poem, it was title as “the end, maybe the end”.
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As I was trying to understand the concept, I realized that it is no longer a maybe, but it was a definite end.
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This is again, based on my experiences, and it actually took me a while to finally get to end it. The sketch here is a digitalized version of her sketch on one of my notebooks during the last time that I saw her.
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To set the story straight, I was over her by mid 2019, but she suddenly came back out of nowhere and I can’t help but wonder why. That’s why I asked if I could see her so we could talk. And on that day of January 2020, we managed to clear things out as we sip our coffees, and enjoy what we have.
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There wasn’t really any romantic thing about it, it’s more of a one sided story filled with frustrations. It was through finally communicating clearly, that emotions of such weight were lifted. There are still two poems that I wrote for her, one that is a conclusion of this story, while the other is part of my second zine Human.
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What made it hard to forget her was all the what ifs and why, and when she gave me the answers, I wasn’t devastated, I was happy. Because I am no longer carrying the weight of my thoughts.
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We still talked after that, but nothing more than friends. And it worked, for a while. We have random chats every once in a while, until we had to move on our separate lives.
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the last part will be released tomorrow 🙂

where are you

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“where are you?”
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The first few chapters of my magazine is filled with poetry and stories straight from my experiences. Where are you is the first of three poems dedicated to the girl that I liked during college.
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To make the story short, she was the first girl that I liked at that time. It was a crazy roller coaster and we only managed to really talk three years after we first met. I’ve been out of other relationships and wasn’t really looking forward to anything until we somehow crossed paths during our off-campus teaching.
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The first two times that we went out was something that I will never forget. It was a dream. Then just like every other dream, it has to end.
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This artwork is actually a sketch based on one of Lisa’s IG post. So yeah, black pink in your area I guess 😂
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But what makes this poem different is that, I decided not to change the story, instead I changed lines that would make this story as the beginning of the end.
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Where are you is a story about a person who thoughtt that everything is going his way, until a goodbye that didn’t even say so happened.
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Is it called ghosting? HAHAHAHAHA But anyway, I can’t share the full story yet, tomorrow is the next chapter. 🙂

Lose Myself

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Lose myself tells a story about two people who thought that they found what they are looking for in each other.
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The artwork is a digitalized version of my sketch based on the indie-film “Ang kuwento nating dalawa”.
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To say the least, it is based on my struggles with past relationships that I could barely understand at the time that I wrote the poem.
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The main reason as to why I decided to re tell Melancholia, is for me to fully understand where I was, where I am now, and where I should go.
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One of the common themes of the whole zine is all about heart breaks, and longing for something.
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I have to admit, it’s been three years since I last dated someone, two years since I last tried to go ask someone out. In those years in between, I hated myself and even lost the drive to move forward. But it was through all that pain that I realized maybe the reason why such relationships didn’t work is because we are not meant to be, and we are just preparing each other for the next step.
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I joked around that maybe it was all me, since the people that got out of my life are now doing better. That was a sad way of looking at it before.
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But now, one thing is for sure. If God will let me have another shot to fall in love again, I can guarantee that I will no longer lose myself.

L O V E

January: New Beginnings, and Start of Endings.

Featured

Welcome to a new beginning for this blog, or whatever this is called. Haha. LOL. Man, I don’t want to sound like a professional or whatever, I just want to keep this me.

I always wanted having monthly reflections/journal every end of the month. What a way to start it with this, a journal that makes me question, “is it okay to use this time for this?”

Well, yes. I have tons of work to prepare for, other concerns. But having time for things that I really like doing, which I will share in a minute, keeps me sane and content in the midst of the pandemonium around us.

January is a great way to start this year. Yes, it is far from perfect. It is actually complicated, draining, but I never looked the other way. I faced it all with all of me. I am continuing to teach myself of things that I already know, yet it took me just now to apply.

I fully committed on writing journals, reading, taking videos, writing poems, sketching, and exercising every now and then. Everything takes a long time to do all in all, but it is indeed necessary to do such activities to keep me motivated and content.

And with that being said, here are some poems that I will share. Before that, I would like to say that I will share ALL of them in the future. I write haikus everyday, and tankas + tanagas every week.

For now, here are the Tankas that I was able to write for the month of January.

We begin again

as colors fill the night sky

all the light, the pain

just so we could learn to fly

in the midst of these tough times

Week One

where all these roads lead

starting from the very seed

planted from afar

keep pushing, keep dreaming on

grow as the man you dream of

Week Two

go and let it burn

not for you to change your turn

but for you to go

be the light in this darkness

before you fade all the way

Week Three

ride against the wind

feel the breeze of what is left

inhale what you need

exhale what makes your smile lost

and be who you are freely

Week Four

Those are the poems that I can share so far, and as mentioned earlier, I also started sketching. At the same time, I decided to improve such artwork through digitalizing them. Here are some of my works for this month featuring KPOP sensations Red Velvet, BTS, and Black Pink.

Before I say good bye, I also went back to reading books. I managed to finish reading Meditations, and now I’m in the midst of reading Valis.

If there is one thing that I can take away from this month, it’s that I have to do my duty as a human being and be content with myself. Yes, there are times where I long for admiration, but slowly but surely, I am learning more about what I can do, and things that are in right that also makes me happy.

As long as you are not hurting anyone, just do you, do what’s right, do what makes you happy.

See you when I see you 🙂