annihilation

The last part of the first chapter deals with questions. Questions that I will never know what the answers are.

One of the most difficult thing that I have ever done with my life is cutting ties with a lot of people. It is something that’s been really difficult to me.

I have always been the person who gets pointed at every time such thing happened. Labelling me as someone who leaves once he gets what he wants.

A lie that was truth the eyes of those who don’t know me. I lived with it, didn’t fought any of it. It was a difficult situation for me as such events haunted me for years. I was trying to move forward, yet the past won’t let me.

That was the case before. Now, I finally understand that I have to let go of things or people that are not healthy for me. There are times that such people even have parts of them in me, but such parts won’t matter if it keeps falling apart. That’s why I have to hold on to them, move on, and be the man I am supposed to be.

It’s been a difficult journey for me to connect with others, I get frustrated and even hate myself for always being alone. Yet in the midst of all that, I realized that it wasn’t bad after all.

Yes, I still wonder about those people that aren’t here with me anymore. But in such thoughts, there is no negative emotions left, but of gratitude.

I do hope that the light, no matter how dim or strong, will lead them to a life that they dream of.

As for me, I may have lost my spark in communicating with others, but I am grateful and blessed to have a handful of people who stayed and without them even knowing, helping me become the best version of myself.

As for love? I do not know if there will be another chapter for it in my life. I do have someone that I admire, but I do not know how to connect. Maybe one day I will, maybe one day I won’t.

whatever happens, happens.